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November 17 You've got me wrapped around your little finger it probably sounds like some pathetic self-murmuring, but i m glad i found those little things on myself and would love to share with you, probably you could enlighten me in some other way... question, have you ever really know yourself so well that you never surprise what you have found about yourself, especially at the age of 25 up and down, when you are kinda independently live by yourself, got a bunch of time to chew details about yourself? after ignoring all the sounds around you that influenced you as always？ i do now, i kinda of in the process of getting rid of influence from outside (considering i m living in the place that you got enough solitude you need), sometimes i doubt about my past and sometimes i wondering if i could be the person i used to secretly fantasized... that is the magic of living far far away from where you are originally from, its like a fresh start that you have been that close to yourself than ever. i tell you what, that's where i m at now, and i m so enjoyed. you probably will not be surprised if i never chose to go back for a long stay, cause i never been this free and close to myself ever. i was listening to Beth Rowley's "you've got me wrapped around your little finger" for the upcoming movie "an education", also reading the original book. it was my first time so concentrate on a non-text book since got out of high school, or it was my first time ever seriously read in recently 2 to 3 years. isn't it ridiculous ---after all the chaos happened in my life? by "chaos", they are maybe just trivial little things to other grown ups, but they made me up gradually. the story is about a 16 years old school girl, her rebel of her planned boring life, which turned out to be an education for her. not quite anything special or different, and i believe it happens to everybody at different levels, its just draw that much attention from me simply because i shared a lot of feeling it described in the novel. the moment she indulged into her french music and fantasy world, the moment she looked at those cello school girls and wished to be one of them, the moment she smoke sobranie (believe it or not, Sobranie is the brand i smoked at my sophomore, people here in america not even heard of it, and yes, i smoked at that time, secretly), the moment she vowed she would wear black, read whatever she wanted after getting into oxford, the moment she claimed she wanted something different and was so sure and stubborn about it, etc., i saw an image of girls of that age who shared part of my growing path, a girl of that level of conscious, of that level of naive and beauty, of that level of fantasy she sticked to... isn't it beautiful and moving? even when one day you look back, you may feel yourself old, old but not very wise...? i know this would be another movie influence me like "the hours" and "amelie" did, though i haven't watched it yet. still planning.... i especially like the music "you've got me wrapped around your little finger", it's interesting, cause you don't know who is this "you", could be the David, could be Jenny herself, is her fantasy got her wrapped around step by step? funny things is that, when we young we supposed to be stupid and made mistakes, cause when we old, we will be too experienced to make the mistake, or it will be too painful to repeat the same one. you never know, if being young a curse or blessing... when look back, it definitely...still pain....but you probably will as well feel ...old...and wise? PS. i am glad i am still the person who have strong feeling about what happens around me or on me, you can call it emotional, but i m glad i can still feel that. i dont know what to say now, maybe when i think of something i will. |
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