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When Sunshine Kisses your face.......... Comptine D un Autre Ete.........不談正事只數瑣碎 November 17 You've got me wrapped around your little finger it probably sounds like some pathetic self-murmuring, but i m glad i found those little things on myself and would love to share with you, probably you could enlighten me in some other way... question, have you ever really know yourself so well that you never surprise what you have found about yourself, especially at the age of 25 up and down, when you are kinda independently live by yourself, got a bunch of time to chew details about yourself? after ignoring all the sounds around you that influenced you as always？ i do now, i kinda of in the process of getting rid of influence from outside (considering i m living in the place that you got enough solitude you need), sometimes i doubt about my past and sometimes i wondering if i could be the person i used to secretly fantasized... that is the magic of living far far away from where you are originally from, its like a fresh start that you have been that close to yourself than ever. i tell you what, that's where i m at now, and i m so enjoyed. you probably will not be surprised if i never chose to go back for a long stay, cause i never been this free and close to myself ever. i was listening to Beth Rowley's "you've got me wrapped around your little finger" for the upcoming movie "an education", also reading the original book. it was my first time so concentrate on a non-text book since got out of high school, or it was my first time ever seriously read in recently 2 to 3 years. isn't it ridiculous ---after all the chaos happened in my life? by "chaos", they are maybe just trivial little things to other grown ups, but they made me up gradually. the story is about a 16 years old school girl, her rebel of her planned boring life, which turned out to be an education for her. not quite anything special or different, and i believe it happens to everybody at different levels, its just draw that much attention from me simply because i shared a lot of feeling it described in the novel. the moment she indulged into her french music and fantasy world, the moment she looked at those cello school girls and wished to be one of them, the moment she smoke sobranie (believe it or not, Sobranie is the brand i smoked at my sophomore, people here in america not even heard of it, and yes, i smoked at that time, secretly), the moment she vowed she would wear black, read whatever she wanted after getting into oxford, the moment she claimed she wanted something different and was so sure and stubborn about it, etc., i saw an image of girls of that age who shared part of my growing path, a girl of that level of conscious, of that level of naive and beauty, of that level of fantasy she sticked to... isn't it beautiful and moving? even when one day you look back, you may feel yourself old, old but not very wise...? i know this would be another movie influence me like "the hours" and "amelie" did, though i haven't watched it yet. still planning.... i especially like the music "you've got me wrapped around your little finger", it's interesting, cause you don't know who is this "you", could be the David, could be Jenny herself, is her fantasy got her wrapped around step by step? funny things is that, when we young we supposed to be stupid and made mistakes, cause when we old, we will be too experienced to make the mistake, or it will be too painful to repeat the same one. you never know, if being young a curse or blessing... when look back, it definitely...still pain....but you probably will as well feel ...old...and wise? PS. i am glad i am still the person who have strong feeling about what happens around me or on me, you can call it emotional, but i m glad i can still feel that. i dont know what to say now, maybe when i think of something i will. September 28 说情书 不记得是99年还是01年的专辑 黄磊的 说情书 现在找遍所有的下载网站都找不到 那张专辑也不知道丢哪里去了 总是现在不是在身边 以前喜欢的厉害 以为一直会保存至今 现在才发现 什么时候不见的都不记得了 乐评上给了星级 却都是在07年 世人还是后知后觉 后来看他和刘若英演的 似水年华 哭得不行 都不知道自己在哭什么 就知道和文放了好多遍 老爷子的部分让人感动 现在想想 那些以前的感动 都有不见了的感觉 都不知道要不要开心 纯粹这种东西 果真是奢侈 收集起来 怕自己以后忘记了 -黄磊 说情书- 2007-01-09 17:10 August 16 smelly cati cannot believe what just happened, but i have to accept it. when me and yara were sitting in front door, talking about going to swim tomorrow, when we were kidding Brendan would never get close to the road, it was just so sudden that we heard that "bang", till now i cannot believe i heard that, it was Brendan. I cannot believe my eyes until i got close to the road, and i cannot help to yielded at the cars came up to ask them to change the lane! but i know Brendan already got hit by the car, whatever that car is, he just hit Brendan. i ran into the road and grab him back, i remember i could feel his warm and breath when i grabbed him, at that moment i was sure he just need doctor! he was not even bleeding, just being wake and looked at me, i was so panic, i didnt know what to do, yara said he is dead, also Darlene said so, i dont know how they can tell without even tough the little cat, again i cannot believe i heard that "bang". we tried 411, tried everything, i didnt believe he was died when Darlene said he was! i kinda hate anybody told me this, cause i can still feel his warmth, i just cannot believe what had happened, after i talked a lot more often with Simon about him today, about Brenda is not aggressive with me compare to with other person, he feels comfortable with me and he always tried to get my attention,etc., after Simon said there are 2 opportunities that his family would take over the cat if yara dont want him anymore; after the fact that right early tonight, he was following me everywhere getting around my feet and being sweet....i feel so hurt when i realize not anymore that he would come into my room, jump onto my bed and quitely laydown besides me, not anymore that he would beg me for food, not anymore that he would try to leak me in the face, not anymore he would step on my stomach to feel the comfort, not anymore he would suddenly go crazy and play with my stuff, not anymore when i call him brendan he would come along with me, not anymore he would crazily run upstairs when i step upstairs, not anymore he would try to get the fly, ..... i m sorry, Brendan baby. we have been bitch mom, we didnt take good care of you and not strong enough to protect you....wish u the peace.... August 14 Perhaps.Love every result has its cause, like a dream, you will finally find out all roots come from yourself....long time ago.... i still remember last November... August 03 UnaccidentallyI really have no idea...it was a coincidence or unaccidentally God's guiding me somewhere....Did I sound stupid? June 29 old friend havent talked with Nancy for a while, didnt expect our conversation still in-depth and sincere as ever. Both of us are analytical, observant and love each other enough to utter the truth. The more we talk, the more we sure about the decisions we made. She had a tough one, so did i... i feel lucky that everytime when i kinda lose myself, God always extend help to me in every aspect of my life, give me clearer mind. Nancy is right, dream is something need to be remembered all the time, thats why we support each other and remind each other what we really want at the deepest part of our hearts. Between old friends, there is nothing too ugly to show, and i know no matter how ugly the truth it can be, she will always be there, that is called friend. Thanks, girl. Hopefully everything goes on well, we will be fine, or more than that... June 13 Ｖ我用新的portfolio整理了所有的画稿又一遍 居然有落款2001的 Ｌ电话来说我做的memo不错 我可以慢慢学法律的东西 今天读Joe拿来的business plan 尝试选出应该投资的对象 我在学习接受生活中的每一个小细节 而不抱怨现在没有的东西 也不再为难自己的问下一步该怎么走 下一步该怎么走 走好现在自然会知道 最近有人告诉我要believe in myself 这么简单的小道理 我才发现自己学了很多年都不得要领 回头看看 其实现在才算刚刚了解这句话的一二 另一个人说everything only go on in your mind, you can feed yourself by your mind 越发了解前者 就越发证实后者 我总是在对的时间遇到错的人 错的时间遇到对的人 换了个地方放台灯 发现靠窗的桌子其实在夏天很适用 我一直喜欢用这样的小细节来犒赏自己 整理designing的时候很享受的发现原来自己好久没有这种享受了 原来生活太拥挤 留给自己的时间太少的缘故 我着实的喜欢Andrew McCarthy 大老板每天认真的叫我们kids 让我着实的很受用 我要是一直是孩子该多好 办公室桌上的花旧的很好看 红的都凋谢了就变成黑色 只有紫色还一直久久地站在那里 还有 我居然不知道自己可以跳舞 我今天听起来有点morbid 来美国快一年才发现文化差异这种东西不单单是认知的问题 而是选择的问题 选择了一种文化 就意味着整个生活方式的改变 有时候可能是一种颠覆 像藏在猫毛发里面的虱子 我曾经那么的害怕改变 其实以前拥有的记忆根本不重要 当你意识到一些东西的时候 你就彻底relieve掉 自由掉 听起来像疯子的呓语 只要我自己知道是怎么个意思就好 我知道我一旦开始写字就啰嗦跟矫情起来 但是给自己那么多的judgement毕竟也不是什么聪明的事 安 May 04 五月天May Dayfive months as a circle, things switch back and forth, no solution as the solution
I planned to try PM when people talking about it, accidently found i already have done this five months ago
I made the choice of one over another five months ago and seems it is time to switch back, still accidently
everything happen in a moment, in a flash
God's will
my intuition becomes sharper and shaper, i feel myself a psycho
question is, why we always make the decision we subconsciously know it is wrong and need to be changed back later on?
that is also called destiny, that is, we always way too believe that we could change the fact
fact is not to be changed, but to be accepted, rule number one
make a mess of your life and settle it, people constantly doing this, called life
so called, i mean
too many things happen in these five months, Yara yelled with her middle finger pointed to sky last night
she drunk, and smashed several Yueling beer bottles
Dar kept nagging me with her view of life, how pathetic, i mean us
i had my business plans to read, intensive reading weekend, with Desperate Housewives as background
i can see this is the time to face another couple of choices
i have no idea if it is a good idea to harsh to the result now
May Day is so unreliable, hot as couple of days ago, now we are again having chilly rain
eastcoast sucks, i remember everybody says so
the sunshine of last weekend, the heat, the skirt were like joke to me
like life treated me in the past five months
March 14 some pictures1. DE state building
 2.downtown Wilmington, in front of DuPont Hotel 800 str.
 3 yea, parking is $15, too high for me:(
 4.
 5. small rooms like du Barry is decent place for business luncheon
  6 Old picture of the city, actually the city itself is small
 7. longwood garden, dupont family property
    February 19 i got the job! i got it!i got the internship! id o!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! February 13 转敏敏--之转AJ--我们猥琐的麦加党March 20MAGIC COFFEE这是AJ在我们常聚的咖啡馆关闭后写的,以此作为纪念,这小子原来还挺有才的。
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那些我们发呆的时光--?-------星期二是个特殊的日子，这一天晚上大家都有课，所以这一天晚上大家都可以翘课。翘课是一件很有讲究的事情，翘了课就要找地方鬼混，而我们找到的地方，是一家叫做麦加的咖啡店。那里有脏兮兮的布艺沙发和面目模糊的服务员，大幅的老电影海报和小屏幕的电视机，音箱永远放一张90年代初的欧美流行音乐大合集，并且每次放到BoyzIIMen的On bended knees就会卡带。那里的咖啡只有五种，焗饭的种类却可以挂满一整张菜单，那里付15块钱就可以畅饮，喝到肾衰竭，另外还赠送一碟瓜子一碟花生。所以，星期二的晚上我们去麦加。 ? -------星期二的麦加大会原来只有熊猫一人坐镇，后来她觉得寂寞。就拉上了我和惊人姐。彼时惊人姐修满了毕业所需学分，攥着110的新托成绩单满世界撒申请。值此坐等海外传书，心急上火之际，当然立时勾搭成奸。再加上时不时冒个泡的Daniel，终于凑成一桌麻将 -------四人坐而论道的局面持续了一段时间。我高中时的朋友呆鸟从K院升到了本部，和熊猫同班。呆鸟家境殷实，有意出国深造。为表决心，毅然从北区的寝室搬到了留学生公寓，提前进入留学状态。留学生公寓到麦加不过200多米，他也就名正言顺地入了伙咸与猥琐。呆鸟念的虽然是法学，却极有外交天赋。自从他来了以后，我们的麦加之行就平添了许多惊喜成分。经常是大家正说着话，外面进来一个女生，直接就冲我们这里面带痴笑： ? -------方宽回归的那天下着小雨，又是一个麦加之夜。店堂里横七竖八地坐了一大群人，除了我们这一群，还多了些呆鸟七拐八弯地顺过来的。我正拿着小勺挖摩卡上边那层奶油。只见一条大汉推门而入，板寸头，黑框镜，络腮胡，颇有些杀气腾腾。要命的是他还不停朝我走过来，走到近处，就是方宽。这个人蓄须之后一改先前忠厚老实的好好先生形象，冷酷到底，性感无比。众人久别重逢，一见开心，部分女生见了方宽这一身霸气，更是一见倾心。一时间咖啡代酒，上下其手，好不热闹。 注:方SIR的魅力向来无敌,从所就读学校一路杀到所就业学校,还包括中不少的当过实习老师的学校,牛仔裤下拜倒的女生芑是用三位数可以数地完的? -------方宽和敏敏的归来为我们带来了新的面孔，也带来了新的话题，那就是就业。麦加党一干人等中最小的我也已不知不觉上到了大二。如今房贵，想早点结婚的几乎是一毕业就要面临按揭。这话题不聊还好，一聊起来难免愁云惨淡。我们念的专业这两年就业不好，其实已经极其优秀的方宽和敏敏竟然落得要去竞争同一个职位，不过到最后谁也没得到，也算是一种不伤和气的结局。我反复掂量着自己，尤其是和方宽以及敏敏暗暗比较。 注： 其实只是凑巧和阿宽弟撞上拉，同个行业的好工作都被我们列入猎物范围，结果俺们乡下人连杆猎枪都不会用,怎么跟别人比呢? -------只是大家都很明白，有些事，再也不会一样了。呆鸟不再总是废话连篇，经常看他带着雅思的复习资料，他四月份还要再考；熊猫开始大量缺席，我知道期末考试对她还是有比较大的压力。方宽和Daniel一人端一杯咖啡，以色狼看美女的眼神看着我们的这一系列变化，心照不宣的眼神中写满了狼狈为奸。 注：呆鸟考完试的时候被我拉去听了新东方SUNNY大学的奖学金现场发放讲座兼面试.带他在杭州最繁华的地带逛了逛,不幸被邻居看到,误认作男友,不过幸好呆鸟还算长地一表人材.汗~ ? -------临近期末的时候Daniel的同学十字哥从韩国交换归来。十字哥是杭州人，全家信教，所以一身这年头少见的绅士做派。再加上人长得清秀，杀伤力之强无与伦比。一个很典型的证据就是他来麦加那天连闭门多日的惊人姐都破例出现了。自然少不得又是一番咖啡代酒，上下…… 注：十字哥现在已经在丝绸进出口公司工作了，? 薪水拿得不菲啊! 这么多人里，第一个认识的当然是同班的阿宽, 然后是英语角认识的惊人姐,(怎么也没想到她四年后竟那么发达!) 接下来是比赛认识的大杜,后来正式认做弟弟,全盘出谋划策他的人生头等大事~~.还认识了十字哥,WHO IS 绝对的绅士 还有在另一场比赛认识的和阿宽搭档的主持JANE,很可爱 以及在OUTLOOK比赛认识的新人AJ,简直就是"浓缩就是精华"的代言人 以后是在我很喜欢的"左图右书? "书吧认识的一干人，包括晶晶(除了听过这名以外，还看她在台上拉过小提琴,崇拜!), 美主(宁大网络美女主播), 还有不小心抢走惊人姐心上人的朱朱, ETC. ?最后认识了晶的粉丝兼饭友,呆鸟,WHO IS 自恋&健谈. 是个很好的PARTY ANIMANL 如果有暂时没写上的，下次再补 ----转毕 January 20 开始生活 我就停止思考了这该是一个好的迹象 说明我已经过了欲赋新词强说愁的年纪
今天吃得很撑 下雪走回家 我觉得这是犒劳
我觉得ｇｒｏｗ ａｔｔａｃｈｅｄ ｔｏ ｏｔｈｅｒｓ是一种很危险的状态 我似乎可以预见一种能量的丧失
这可能是一个新的局面 也大有可能是另一次大失望 一朝蛇咬 十年怕绳
我们都如此
但是最勇敢的还是用同样的期待面对每一个新的局面 这句话很ｓｌｏｇａｎ却很难达到
我的ｐｒｏｆｅｓｓｏｒ这次来真的了 事态严重到我觉得我要真正得认真学习了
０９年我还是很迷信的看ｈｏｒｏｓｃｏｐｅ 今年极端的本命年
我们的ｃａｒｅｅｒ ｄｅｖｅｌｏｐｍｅｎｔ， ｒｅｌｏａｔｉｎｇ 还有我的ｃｏｕｒｓｅｓ等问题 不敢想以后
只是告诉自己要努力 要靠自己 要得失淡然 要勇敢
当然了 要早睡 别那么晚了还在网上白活 January 15 pieces of tinite
Pieces of tonight 睡不着 看新闻 winslet成了今年金球奖的大赢家 我本来就爱她 现在更加证明她是值得的 于是上youtube上回顾她的东西 有今天她应该是 more than just talent 如果有背景音乐我放beck的everybodys gotta learn something 关于memory 我开始渐渐把看过的三部电影联系起来 eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, ashes of time ,还有an one and a two. 虽然后两部是华语 但是关于该话题 似乎是共同的 ashes of time中一语道破 人之所以有烦恼是记性太好的缘故 于是在非现实世界里面 kate和 Jim 不约而同要求被删除记忆而产生eternal sunshine of spotless mind 而在an one and a two中 每个大人都总是忘记上一秒钟发生的事情 “唉？我刚才是要干什么呢？” 是潜意识里面 一直活在回忆里而没办法focus现在还是如beck所唱everybodys gotta learn something于是潜意识的也学会了不太记忆的缘故呢？ 有人把记忆比作烙印 我看也可能是好奇心 小孩子第一次看见气球会好奇 到他看到第100个气球的时候他就没有任何反应了 但是在他脑海里 提到气球出现的画面永远是第一个气球的样子 就好像人永远都忘记不了初恋一样 但是初恋不一定就是最好的那个气球 于是我不相信soul mate一说 最近也经常忘事 说返winslet 她的little children我早前也有看 一直觉得她的fresh很让人受用 她一点都不美国 词穷 我只能这么说 看片断时候 有意思的是三个提名人的表情 meryl一如惯例的女王微笑 大方下面的不容触碰的骄傲 毕竟她已经很多次大奖 angelina不可掩盖的妒忌 我从来不喜欢这么张扬的角色 不管是她的戏还是私生活 都太dramatic太hollywood太american太boring 我很难recall一部她演的值得看第二遍的片子 当然她是很好的entertaiment噱头 但是跟catherine zeta jones比 她的噱头又好像廉价了些 跟lindsay price的快速消耗噱头比 又没那么有底子 言论自由 粉丝息怒 Winslet对着镜头跟她小孩说I got it 的时候 我觉得她很幸运的有智慧 如果一切如我所知无甚出入的话 她有爱她的丈夫 可爱的小孩 亲密的朋友 靠努力打拼来的事业 和 对生活的诚恳 如她所说 她不常得奖 我也不常见到如此不浮躁的hollywooder 当然 希望我看到的即如事实 你知道 有时候非drama的东西可能是drama的升级版 这毕竟是hollywood 除了少许看一些简单轻松的电影 我已经很久没有新电影入库了 基本就是反复看之前的东西 喜在每看一次都有新的感触 因为电影没变 但是我的生活每天都在改变 Good nite， 谁知道这是一条什么路~ ---Jan 13rd.2009 Revolutionary Road 刚看了 Typical situation Insightful line Clear structure Ironic tone 早在她的little Children里面见雏形 我又从头哭到尾 我觉得我疯了 No one forget about the truth, they just get better with lie. Kate winslet ， marvelous job… 困 再议 待续 只不过 remind me of THE HOURS 和 the Madison Bridge 同年代 同话题 不同结局 depress如现在的美国 只不过现在人们panic的是make a living 而电影们中恐慌的时emptiness 还能说什么呢 She just need something different things about life, is that the reason why they call her April? ---Jan 15th 2009
January 12 梦开始的地方Lori Carson的 i want to believe in you 果真是可以反复听整夜的音乐 LUKA好介绍
我的柜子终于在买来1个月后装好了 我们用了不同的screwdriver 最后居然少了一块板而只能残疾在那 使用率75% sigh....
最近真是没什么话好说 开学明天 schedule如常 唯一不同的是开始考虑小将来 人与事 每天与非人类打交道 我娘娘的已经非常的有修为了
我很高兴这些打算都在进行当中 觉得自己没有浪费时间 觉得自己有努力到 自己一直很简单白目的认为努力靠自己就可以心安 于是无论结果如何都可以全盘接受
目前为止都感觉到很stable i mean mentally
没什么好写的了 生活中就是过出来的 写的东西不免dramatic 无聊了。。。
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